Does this shirt make me look pregnant?

You know how sometimes you buy that top online that looks soooo perf on that gorgeous 5' 11" and 90 lb. model and you think, "Yes, that is exactly how it will look on me, too. I'm sure of it." Then, a few short days later a package comes to your door and you hastily rip it open and throw on said top and suddenly you look 6 months pregnant? And you ask your husband, "Does this shirt make me look pregnant?" and he says no, but he kinda shifts in his chair a little, so that sucker ends up in the deep, dark, back of the closet? (The shirt, not the husband.) 

Ya. I do. Bummer. 

Well guess what ladiessss? I have found the PERFECT solution to this age old problem. 

Ready? Pen and paper handy? Here it is. The steps are three-fold: 

1. Get pregnant. (If you don't know how to do this, Google. Or call your Mom. This is just not that kind of blog.)

2. While pregnant, let 6+ months go by. 

3. Try on the shirt again. 

That's right! Using these 3 simple steps I have increased my wardrobe by at least 1/3 by incorporating all of those clothes that I coulda swore made me look pregnant when I wasn't. And, now that I am neck deep in 6+ months of actual pregnancy, if I bumped into my old, non-pregnant and paranoid self in a dark alley, I would probably flash her so she could get a good idea of what being this pregnant REALLY looks like, and then I would slap her. Serious.  

Also, here is one of the aforementioned "Does this shirt make me look pregnant?" shirts. Enjoy: 

So no, honey. You DON'T look pregnant in that shirt. 

Unless of course, you are. Which, in that case, call me. We'll go get some pie. 

ox/W.